These conservatives are coming after you, too

Did you see the one where a conservative christian man is calling for the eradication of people who aren’t like him? 

Take a listen:

And people clapped. 

Now. Imagine that instead of targeting transgender people this Daily Wire commentator targeted those who have sex outside of church-sanctioned marriage. Sex for fun, sex where birth control is used, homosexual sex — this all needs to be eradicated from society. How would you react to that? 

Oh, but nobody would ever try to do that. Right? Like, freedom and everything? 

So. Fucking. Wrong. 

I’ll tell you why.

First of all, there is one very simple rule. If you’re not like them — married in church to a member of the opposite sex — and you dare have sex when and with whom you please and you happen to not be a man, you are a slut and shame on you. 

According to traditionalists and procreation fetishists, who by the way have been organizing politically for years and are now in control of too many legislatures throughout North America, everyone has to voluntarily conform to their misreading of one lousy book they say came from a god they invented or else be forced to conform to their misreading of the same lousy book. It’s a heads I win, tails you lose kind of a thing. 

You think I’m kidding. I wish I were. 

The same people who objected to (and to this day try to undo) same-sex marriage are against abortion, trans-affirming care, acceptance of the gender diverse, contraception and sex outside marriage. Oh, and they’re terrified of drag queens. 

Actually, I’m exaggerating. Some traditional conservatives can tolerate natural family planning methods once a married couple has an acceptable number of children. Of course those methods are famous for their uselessness, hahaha, gotcha. 

The rest of y’all dirty sluts need a solid dose of shame.

Did I ever tell you about the time I got caught wanking as a kid and was told, sternly, that if I kept doing *that* I wouldn’t be able to have children? Would that masturbation worked reliably as birth control. We’d be so busy nobody would have time to go to war or argue with strangers on Twitter. Talk about bliss. 

But seriously. I was also accused by someone who holds aggressively traditional beliefs of being perverse because I prefer sleeping naked. Not on the street or anything, in case you were wondering. In my own bed. Including when I’m alone. Apparently, being nude when one is not offering the right kind of sex to the approved partner is perverse because it turns a sacred thing, procreation, into, well, nothing more than snores (or in my case, teeth-grinding) and the occasional fart. 

You should only get naked to make babies, and maybe not even then. Among puritans and some catholics from which I am, incongruously, descended (oh, and how far have I fallen), legend has it that back when women knew how to behave good wives slept in full-length nightgowns, with a little bonnet to hide their luscious hair, too. Some claimed there were special marital-duty gowns with direct access to the business end so that children could be conceived without anything sinful happening under the covers not that anyone could see anything since they fucked in the dark the poor souls. 

Imagine being so incapable of controlling your pulsions that the mere sight of a naked body (boobs!) sends you straight into full procreation mode. Imagine thinking sensuality is wrong. Or believing that sex for the sheer pleasure of it is a one-way ticket to hell. Imagine believing the sensation of clean sheets on naked skin is somehow sinful because it’s like teasing a dead prophet from the old testament or some such bullshit.

Imagine being so incapable of accepting human pleasure that the mere thought of other people enjoying intimacy in ways that aren’t personally appealing to you compels you to run for office just so you can ban gender affirming care for kids and, bizarrely, drag shows. Tennessee just did that. And the irony is, its governor — upstanding white conservative christian — used to cross-dress as a teenager, as apparently many do throughout the South. 

More states are in the process of banning drag shows, whether or not their governors are as hypocritical as Tennessee’s. And then there are the states making gender affirming care illegal. 

Donald Trump, whom you may remember has promised to run again for office, wants to ban gender affirming care everywhere, and also pass a law decreeing there are only two genders, those that are assigned at birth, and nothing else. 

Do I need to discuss access to abortion or are you up to date on that one? It’s getting so bad that a large number of human rights groups just asked the United Nations to intervene and stop the destruction of reproductive rights across the United States. 

Last May when we got the leak about the Supreme Court overturning Roe v Wade, it was common on social media to see activists — especially older ones — urging pre-menopausal people to ditch their period-tracking apps. I remember at the time thinking they were over-reacting. Well.

The Republican governor of Virginia, Glenn Youngkin, appears to have thwarted an attempt to stop law enforcement obtaining menstrual histories of women in the state.

A bill passed in the Democratic-led state senate, and supported by half the chamber’s Republicans, would have banned search warrants for menstrual data stored in tracking apps on mobile phones or other electronic devices.

Advocates feared private health information could be used in prosecutions for abortion law violations, after a US supreme court ruling last summer overturned federal protections for the procedure.

Just a few days ago news came out of a woman in South Carolina who was arrested for allegedly taking abortion pills. How long do you figure until they start prosecuting pregnant persons for a miscarriage? 

And once they have everyone belonging to binary genders and forced to carry fetuses to term including those they may never have consented to co-creating, they’ll work to undo same-sex marriage and what comes after that but extra-marital sex for everyone except good upstanding christian men who need a way to let off steam? 

You think I’m kidding. 

I wish I were.